You get what you pray for

This isn't really a chronological post, but it's something I wanted to share. I am a lot of things when it comes to my fiance' (and some of my friends). Possessive, stingy, selfish....I believe males and females to be exactly who they are.  Meaning, if s/he has no loyalties to you don't expect particular considerations to your feelings. I, therefore, do not expect a person not in my relationship to respect it or my feelings.  I also never believed in having one boyfriend until about college....and even then there were rather specific terms that made a guy deserving of all of my attention. This has nothing to do with sexual attention because I am very particular about that, but more like conversations, dates, flirting, attention.  Anyways, I was forced to look at the evolution of our relationship recently.  I did not like it, initially.  You know how you pray for certain things causing you to go through something you do not enjoy to get what you want? Ex: Praying for patience brings trials that work patience so that you become more patient.  Well, imagine what you get when you pray for an appreciation, respect, everlasting love for your significant other. Because that's what I do. So, I came across some things that proved the unstable beginnings of our relationship. It hurt. But honestly, how many people enter a relationship with all loyalties on the table? I don't. You don't  know that this person is your future husband/wife.  You're not in love with this person, at best you're in deep like and a possible strong lust. But love is a stretch.  So when you uncover things from a time that borders the single life, you may not be so pleased with it. I had to think about my last 3 years....it's really been 3 years.  In year one we both would have things that we could be rightfully upset over. But is it right to be so upset with year ONE and not acknowledge years 2 and 3? No. Because, like I said, few loyalties are developed. All day I thought about the growth, how far we've come, the things love has been built on.  We are alike in some ways that allow me to view things from different perspectives when necessary.  And as the day progressed I found that love and respect I pray for.  Neither of us have been perfect especially in the beginnings of this thing.  But we have grown into a love, respect, complete honesty that has strengthened our relationship to what it is now. In the end, I am glad we have both grown out of our past hangups and hurts and into each other's needs.  He fills my gaps.  Although, because of that possessive, stingy thing there are some people I will always look at sideways, but never will they be threats.  I don't tend to like people once I dislike them...but since I never have to interact with these cats that's okay. I do, however, grow into apathy so they'll be there eventually.  The point is to always be aware of what you pray for.  God will remind you if you pay attention.  In the moment I felt like saying and doing some things I likely would have regret, He kindly reminded me in order to appreciate the growth/development of something, you have to be reminded of the starting point. Gotta love when He puts me in check. I am aware and I am ever grateful.