Summer 2010: Officially official

The last time I saw him before his deployment

The rest of the summer was slightly uneventful.  Penny came home in June and we ended up in Starkville again with separate friends, again.  He’d gotten orders to deploy to Afghanistan, so this was his last time to spend with his friends and family before he went. I had no intentions of going to Starkville that weekend. In fact, I was celebrating a birthday in Tuscaloosa and ended up driving over to Starkville. We didn’t see much of each other, so he came to stay with me in Birmingham the night before he left.  We talked about where the relationship was headed and what we wanted. But didn’t officially become a couple.  I was ok with that. He was going overseas. Though he told me he didn’t want me to, I was planning to continue to date.  In fact, I’d met some guys I was starting to date and reconnected with one I’d dated just after college.

The day or two he was traveling to Afghanistan, I got a message from the other girl.  She told me they had spent time together in Starkville a few weeks before. She didn’t want to be led on by him and some other things that don’t really belong on this blog.  I was upset, not because of the time he’d spent with her, because he had lied to me about it. I explained to her that he and I were not a couple.  The fact that she even knew of my relationship with him meant he wasn’t really leading her on.  If she wanted to end things with him she should do that on her own.  She didn’t need me for that; she’d already told him she didn’t want to be in a relationship with him. So what did she expect him to do exactly? Wait until she was ready? That’s not really how these things go. So either be with him or be without him. After talking to her, I talked to Penny. He’d arrived in Kuwait. I told him about my conversation (I actually emailed him the entire thing) and how I felt about it. I also let him know that I was planning to continue to date whether he wanted me to or not. This is definitely the short version of this story. The gist is that there were men in my life I had to choose between and women in his. It came down to whether we wanted to be together or not.  July 1, 2010 we officially became a couple from continents away.

Little happys that helped me make it the first 6 months

The first six months were tough and full of Skype sessions, Yahoo! Messenger, FB chat, FB PDA, care packages, and letters.  I had a boyfriend I didn’t see from July to December.  Plenty of things happened in those six months. I had to learn to be a girlfriend all over again, which (I admit) I wasn’t really that great at in the first place. Honestly, I had one boyfriend I had not cheated on. Ironically, he’s the only boyfriend I can prove cheated on me. You reap what you sow right? I also like to do things on a whim sometimes. You can’t really do that when your bf is in Afghanistan and you’re in Alabama. It would irritate me so bad. I spent all my time going out with my friends because they made it easier. But I would then be accused of partying too much. There were plenty of times I wanted to give up on it.  The ups and downs were incredibly noticeable.  For me, the downs were really far down because he wasn’t here to bring me back up. Despite the odds, I made it to December.

May 2010: Watertown, NY

Between mid-April and the end of May we talked a LOT.  I wish I could go back and screen shot the Facebook comments we made.   At the same time, I’m really glad I can’t. He turned me into a sappy chick. Blech! We wrote song lyrics and inside jokes. It was so obvious we were more than just friends.  So that “competition” I’d been paying attention to a few months before was losing terribly.  The other guys I was talking to were getting far fewer phone calls. I got a few inbox messages asking if Penny and I were together.  Since we’d not had that conversation, we weren’t. I don’t believe in putting myself into a relationship that the other party has not agreed to.  That’s how girls get caught up and confused.  Hell, I’d been caught up and confused. We were something, but it was not together. I loved being in the high of a new, exciting relationship. He was incredibly loving for everyone to see. I hadn’t had that type of attention in a while.

The weekend of Mother’s Day I planned to go to Watertown to see Boo Thang. I got up there and had issues renting the car so I was stranded in the Syracuse airport for 6 hours until he got off work, rented a car, and came to get me.  I was really upset. But he didn’t make a fuss about it. Just told me to calm down and he’d get there as soon as he could. I guess he was my knight again.

The weekend was great. There’s not much to do in Watertown or any of upstate NY really. Being there and spending time with him was enough.  It was like a 2 day first date. We shared a lot about ourselves, family, goals, past relationships.  It was weird to talk about his past relationships and realize how many of these chicks I knew, but I guess that’s what happens when you date someone you went to undergrad with. I only talked to 3 guys in Starkville so I don’t think he had the same weird experience. We talked about the rumors we’d heard about each other and ourselves at MSU.  He told me one of his friends had informed him that she knew for a fact I'd slept with one of my friends in undergrad.  For one thing you know nothing for fact unless you were there....which I assure you she wasn't, because it never happened.  I still laugh at some of that stuff, but that’s a completely different blog.  I fully appreciated the openness.  At this time I found out about my ‘competition.’ I use the term loosely because after all, I was there and she was not.  He’d really liked this girl and had been talking to her for a while (since before he and the ex broke up). She’d turned him down as far as being in a relationship but he still had feelings for her. Hm. Ok. So I have to deal with residual feelings for the ex and now this chick too…I can handle this. I didn’t let it bother me. We had a great time exploring that little town anyway.

April 2010: So we're at Super Bulldog...

Penny and I had been texting for a few weeks before that weekend.  When he told me he would be in Starkville I was excited to see him. I’m not sure if he knew that or not, but he does now. ;-) I didn’t revolve my weekend around him. I had friends to see too.  I was also still in touch with my ex who was still living in Starkville. It was just gonna be an all-around great weekend. Now, don’t judge me (you actually can if you like; I certainly don’t mind). But he knows full well he wasn’t the only guy I was talking to, as I know I wasn’t the only girl he was talking to.

Our first picture

While in Starkville I was texting Penny to find out where he was….then I decided to call him. I mean, why not?  He picked up the phone and his literal words were “This ain’t a text.”  Like he was surprised I called. It was a cute conversation. He played it all cool like he wasn’t pressed about me calling but he was low key excited. Anyway we concluded we’d meet up at the concert.

Friday night was the concert.  If you’ve ever been to Starkville, you know we believe in thoroughly enjoying ourselves.  So by concert time my friends and I were buzzed.  It’s ok, we walked to the concert.  My friend’s apartment was in the Cotton District. We walked everywhere.  I pretty much spent the concert mingling between a few sets of friends.  When the concert started, I stayed with Penny and his line brothers.  It was like an impromptu date…but not really because if you’ve ever hung out with Spr 05 you know it’s foolishness.  It was fun and we got our first picture.

The Guys

After the concert, I’d planned on meeting up with my ex. But he didn’t answer the phone.  My ex is good for that; hence that’s why he was the ex.  I was foolish, I’ll admit it, but oh well. We all get one practice run.  Somehow Penny ended up meeting me at my friend’s apartment.  We kicked it for a while just joking around.  That’s the kind of guy I’d always known him to be. He thinks he’s hilarious.  We learned a lot about each other that night.  I guess that’s when I really started to like him and started to get to know Tharius. Before he left he kissed me good night.  It was our first kiss. I wonder if he remembers more details than me….

So Saturday was filled with MSU activities and other Starkville antics. My ex apologized for not answering the phone the night before. Yea, ok. Whatever. The emotional ties were minimal at that point.  And Penny was cutting them even more.  Nevertheless we made plans for that night.  But… “Starkville antics” pretty much equates to our group motto “You can’t drink all day unless you start in the morning.” By nightfall I’d had such a good time with my friends that we just wanted to keep the party going. So we went to State Theatre.  My friend asked what I’d do if both Penny and my ex showed up. My answer: *Kanye shrug* I’m single. I text Penny to find out where he was partying that night.  When I looked up from my text there he was! We were pretty much attached the entire night. The texts from my ex went ignored. While we were dancing he told me he was leaving at 4am to catch a flight from Memphis to upstate NY where he was being stationed.  After we left the club we went to hang out at his line brother’s apartment.  It was a bittersweet moment because he was leaving and I hated long distance situations. But I’d really grown to like him. I fell asleep in his lap. Yes, I’m a big baby when I really like someone, yet a hard ass at the same time. I’ve been spoiled since birth and any man I date is expected to continue that. So yea, I fell asleep in his lap while he rubbed my back.  A few hours later he left.  And so ended our first weekend.

The next day I went to see my ex and told him I was no longer interested in seeing him or talking to him as if there was a chance for us to reconcile. I knew better anyway. The past we had was ridiculous.  It was a functioning dysfunctional relationship.  We were both space fillers in a comfort zone. That’s what complacency gets you.  My friend Kessa says this was my fairytale.  Penny was my knight in shining armor that came and took me out of that foolishness. LOL Sure.  I’ll roll with that.  Every damsel could use a knight.

Let's catch up

I'm getting married. I wanted a blog type site because everyone wants to know when? where? to whom? etc.  Plus, I thought it'd be fun to tell a story.  I guess I have to give back story if I want you to journey with me so let's catch up. 

I'm marrying Tharius (who I actually knew as Penny for years).  If you know Penny you may or may not know Tharius. Yes, they are two different people.  We met in 2003 at Mississippi State University as undergrads.  We have not been dating since then.  He did approach me and since I had a boyfriend and other interests, I turned him down.  The number of times I turned him down varies depending on which of us you ask, but the point is the same.  I consider that divine intervention. Neither of us were in a place for a 'real' long term relationship.  I'm not really sure how many people are at such a young age but we were not two of them.  Had we dated then we would likely not be getting married now.  We weren't even really friends (in my opinion).  I spoke to One Cent when I saw him but we didn't hang out.  At some point in college I was more like friends with his line brothers who were my coworkers, Alex (who I called Shadow because he seemed to be every where I was) and CP.  The 3 were roommates in Cedar Cove so I'd been there a few times.  According to Penny, he remembers me coming over but he would leave to give Alex and me some space....we didn't need space...but ok.  We did have a class together my senior year 2007 but still the same associate type relationship.  That's about the extent of our college interactions. Not much to that story.  Let's fast forward.....

In 2008 (I think) we touched base via Facebook.  I was living and working in Los Angeles and he was in Jackson, MS.  We would chat often but just catching up.  He had a girlfriend that he'd been dating since college who he was living with.  I was enjoying being single in Los Angeles.  Which, FYI, is one of the best cities to be young and single in; it's a never ending adventure and I absolutely loved it.  That commitment stuff was for the birds.  So at this point maybe we became (internet) friends.

Here's where things take a turn.  Let's see how I can best tell this story and leave out names....I went to Starkville one weekend for a football game and a party with a friend, we'll call him J.  Penny's (ex)girlfriend was at the party.  When the party was over, I had to drive a drunk friend home.  Well J was supposed to follow me to this friend's apt so I could get back to my room.  But the (ex)girlfriend comes over and says something to J.  I'm not gonna say what it was or was not but I know J did not follow me to this apt and left me stranded.  So when I called him to find out where he was he tells me he's not coming....wtf guy. His reasoning was that his chances of getting some from her were better than the (non-existent) chances of him getting some from me....yea, rude.  So I asked if she was still in her relationship and he says according to her no she's not.  I knew that was untrue because Penny and I had talked about this...but ok. Whatever.  I did find a way back to my room; I had a plethora of friends in Starkville at the time. This was not the first time that I had noticed her interactions with J. But it was at that point that I decided it was ok for me to actually like him because he and this girl were headed for disaster anyway. I did not, however, tell Penny about that weekend.  Mostly because I'm rather particular about how I handle things. I don't want to be the cause of your breakup and then turn around trying to get into a relationship with you. If a person's relationship ends because of something I said/did, my relationship with that person has a bad foundation.  That relationship needed to end on its own.  His ex can never blame me for their failure. He can never wonder what would have been had I not torn them apart.  So, I chilled.  Remained in my lane, and yes, I waited.  And what do you know; it ended. Ironically not because of J but because of some other guy.  I'm no fool. I did not rush in.  I let him have his time to process that and move away from it. I mean they were together for years.  Eventually, I did drop hints that I was interested in him.  At the same time I had to scope out my competition. So I paid attention to his social network interactions.

April of 2010 we both went to Starkville for Super Bulldog Weekend and the Trey Songz concert.  This was the first time we'd seen each other since 2007 and also the first time we had an actual phone conversation.  FTR: I called him. He never would've called me. And I'm ok with that.  But this is the true beginning to the story of us....